Experiencing Marriage Crisis? Read This!

Every marriage has its downs. That is why the traditional vows say: "FOR BETTER! FOR WORSE!!." The bliss of the wedding day sometimes does not even survive the honeymoon. 

When the crisis hits, what do you do? Surviving a marriage crisis is not only possible, it can be sometimes turned into a positive experience for the long term relationship because it can force you to confront and fix other relationship problems.

i. COMMUNICATION::: You need to talk.

Communication remains the core of the human relationship.  Couples who do not talk to each other will soon lose their vitality and will lose what makes them a couple. 

Till date, there is no fight, challenge or issue that communication and I mean effective communication at that have not melted down. It remains your essential solution. The solution lies within your effective communication with your spouse.  It is only from this perspective that communication can be used to build toward restoring the trust and commitment that may have been damaged by the crisis.
 Cue: You talk! You Listen!!

            Don't be defensive!!!

            Have a mind set of solution to the the problem  and be ready to let go the hurt.

ii. TIME::: Give it some time.

Time is needed to build. To build your dream Home, you need time- time dedicated to work and more work. When the challenges arise, you also need time to fix it. Very few marriage problems arise quickly. They may be revealed quickly, but they have been forming for a long period of time. Many small incidents grow into a large situation. Expecting to fix these problems rapidly is not so realistic. Plan on most marriage difficulties to require months to repair. Lots of connections have to be rebuilt. The passing of time also serves to blunt the pain the crisis has evoked. It gives a chance to gain perspective into just how much damage has actually happened and what positive things still exist in the relationship.

iii. YOU NEED MY KIND SOMETIMES::: Consider counseling.

When you have done all you can and it yet to be resolved, then "The Counselors" can come in, that is if you let us. Not all couples are able to easily discuss their problems and formulate solutions. 

This can be facilitated by a skilled marriage counselor. An experienced and trained counselor will offer alternatives and confront unrealistic expectations in a way that is very difficult for the partners in the relationship to do. This professional third party comes in from an unbiased angle.

The trick is that both partners must be willing to go to the counselor, be honest about their role in the crisis, and want to fix the relationship.

iv. MOTIVES::: Set relationship goals.

Where do you want the marriage to go from here? This important question must not only be asked, but both spouses must agree on the same goals. A marriage is more than two people learning to get along. There are common possessions, common friendships, and perhaps children. You need to work on learning to want similar things from your future together. This may require some negotiation to arrive at the best outcome for each couple.

v. KICK FEAR OUT::: Do not panic.

The problem with hitting a crisis is that it is always a surprise. In a couple's effort to avoid having more pain, bad choices can be made in the heat of the moment. 

Take a deep breath. 

Step back from the situation and choose to act and not to react to what has happened. 

Try not to say or do anything big until you have had time to rebound from the initial shock. 

Words and actions that are done from panic usually do not reflect the true way that the spouses feel about each other.
Avoid taking any decision with such a state of mind.

vi::: LOOK DEEPER::: Evaluate the possible outcomes.

Consider your choices. At the beginning, put breaking up at the bottom of the list. It may become inevitable, but try not head there first and regret it later. You can always choose to leave, but coming back might be a bigger problem if you choose to later.

A better plan is to make a list of your choices. Doing this together with your spouse is even better if it is possible. Look for ways to make the better choices possible. Explore these choices carefully and evaluate whether you and your spouse are willing to put in the effort to achieve them.

Always have this in mind::: Divorce is never the best remedy. You can still work out no matter what.

God bless you home.